A Model of Self Love
Transcending Trauma and Shame with Art
By Vanessa
Often people of differing body types attack those who they think of as embodying commercially driven beauty standards. As an art model, Vanessa helps us see that people are not the problem. Her story invites individuals of all body types to treat each other with compassion and understanding. Perhaps her journey of growth and and self love can help others wake up from the painful trance of self judgment.
In this candid and revealing article, Vanessa Sicre shares how body image issues nearly drove her to suicide. Read about how she transcended these issues, with art modeling as part of her journey. See how she came to love herself and become a champion for human beauty and art.
Leave a comment. Let us know what you think…What’s your experience of self judgment vs self love? What’s your self image story? Are you a work of art…exactly the way you are?
Everyone has different motives for choosing a career in modeling.
For me, art modeling has been a very personal journey which started later in life. I did not have a lifelong ambition to become a model, nor was it ever on my agenda. This journey has been less about selling out, and more about producing beautiful art. I have never been interested in being published in the various lads’ magazines that populate shelves of newsagents and bookstores, however, I do enjoy the challenge of creating art as a model.
In my late teens and early twenties I was plagued by various eating disorders that led to a suicidal depression which took a long time to shake off. I had little desire to live, and hated my body so much I would frequently carve shapes and burn holes into my skin. For a long time I carried a lot of shame, as I felt eating disorders were superficial and attention seeking behaviours, neither of which fitted with my intellectual, artistic and somewhat private character.
After therapy and going through several treatment centres, I learned that they are in fact merely symptoms of deep, underlying traumas. So I did my time, abandoned my shame, and came to love my body. In school, I worked hard, then went on to study languages at university, and afterwards worked in the medical field as a sessional interpreter as well as a freelance illustrator and collage artist. I got into modeling by accident after meeting a photographer who was initially interested in my artwork, and then suggested I give modeling a shot. I thought: “Why not? I have absolutely nothing to lose, if I don’t like it, I can always quit.”
As an art nude model, I am driven by a desire to produce beautiful images when I am collaborating with photographers, and I see modelling as a process rather than just turning up to ‘strike a pose’ on the day of the shoot. I draw a lot of inspiration from Pinterest and Tumblr, and enjoy researching photographers whose work I admire before a shoot; often I will work with photographers who open my eyes and mind to new work I was previously unaware of, which in turn feeds my own creativity.
My tastes are mostly classical, I love black and white imagery first and foremost, and could stare at these photographers’ work for days on end (and many more, but these in particular): Sally Mann, Francesca Woodman, Kesler Tran, Jan Scholz, and Sally Moon. I find looking at sculptures is also useful for art nude modelling, as well as Pre-Raphaelite art. I suppose I am a bit of a romantic at heart! After drowning my eyes in art across various medias, I will then test out some poses, well aware that some won’t work simply because I do not share the same body shape with the model in the image. This is where the real challenge starts – I have to create my own poses and familiarise myself with what works for my body shape in terms of poses and angles. I am constantly faced with the challenge of having to come up with new shapes, some a little dangerous, so I recommend you do not try them at home unless you are super flexible.
Ultimately what I’m hoping for in writing this, is to dispel some of the myths about art nude modeling, because the reality is so far removed from what some people have ingrained into their minds. I would like for people to understand that artistic nude modeling is about creating art, not ‘sexploitation’. While it is true that there are some photographers out there who are clearly just out there to satisfy their perversions, this is not true for professionals, and not once have I felt my safety to be compromised on any of my modelling shoots. Nobody coerced me into posing as an art nude model, I did this on my own free will, every time.
I am, however, incredibly selective about who I will work with because my integrity is important to me. I always check photographers’ credentials and references before a shoot, talk to models who have worked with them previously, and generally build up a professional rapport with the photographer before working with him / her, exchanging ideas and visuals for weeks or even months before a shoot. I also have certain boundaries in place as there are some levels in modeling which I am simply not interested in, like tasteless, unimaginative ‘glamour’, bondage or ‘adult’ modeling, nor do I ever do ‘full frontals’. I like to keep that to myself – a girl’s got to maintain some sense of anonymity!
Often, in ignorance, some people do not see the difference between ‘art nude’ modelling which glorifies and beautifies the female body, as opposed to tacky glamour modeling which tends to objectify and vilify women. Some people have tried to instill a sense of shame about what I do as an art nude model, concerning themselves with how this could potentially affect my future intimate relationships, or what my extended family might think about my work. Such ignorance saddens me, even though I know it is coming from a caring place. Why should I be ashamed about my body, and if I did, why would I do what I do? It wouldn’t be worth the aggravation. I spent long enough hating my body in my late teens and early 20s, and even longer learning to love my body. Art nude modelling for me is about capturing the beautiful shape and sensuality of a woman’s body. The curves, angles, lines, the way the light and shadows fall on the body, the moods and emotions conveyed in a single image. It goes far beyond simply just seeing a naked body.
When people look at my work, I want them to dig deeper and experience this: art nude photography goes far beyond simply presenting the viewer with a naked body, and I hope to challenge the stigma attached to it, by showing that as beautiful. It is not offensive or degrading, and neither is it about being overtly sexual, rather more about an exploration of a woman’s sensuality, like a scent – you can follow it, but you can’t touch it.
These days it seems that there is a war brewing in culture around beauty standards. People are pushing back against manipulative marketing agendas to claim a fuller and more self loving way of relating to themselves and each other. Vanessa’s story is just one of countless examples of people struggling and finding freedom in the face of these social forces.
Vanessa shares herself as openly in her art as she does in her writing. Be sure to check out the rest of her stunning modeling portfolio.
